On Grief and Dying

I find myself in an introspective mood and feel the need to share my feelings tonight. My uncle is dying in a hospital right now. Three days ago he underwent an operation to remove cancer from his liver. Although the operation was a success, complications during recovery required that he be placed on a ventilator. Tonight I received a call that his blood pressure had bottomed out and they did not expect him to live through the night.

Also today I received a call from my father’s closest friend. This morning they put his wife in the hospital because she was spitting up blood. Her prognosis is not good, and unless they find out the cause of her internal hemorrhaging they do not expect her to live much longer. I went with my father to the hospital to try and comfort this man I have known all of my life as he watched his wife of over forty years die. Surrounded by such death and exposed to the grief of so many as I have been these last few days, I found myself offering these words of comfort.

I do not grieve for those who are about to die. Their pain and trials of life are over. They will soon leave this world of pain and worry for a better place. The pain they feel now, horrible as it might seem, is just a fleeting moment of discomfort when compared to eternity stretching out before them.

I do not grieve for the dying. I save my grief for those they leave behind. It is we who are still living who shoulder a great burden in having to come to terms with a loved one leaving us. Those of us who are left behind must pick up the pieces of our lives and soldier on through these dark days and all the time that follows until it is our turn to lie at the doorsteps of death. We must strive to remember those who die not as they are in these final moments of life, but how they lived their lives and the very reasons we love them to begin with.

It is our duty as those left behind to not fall victim to our own self pity and anguish but to remember the good left behind by those who are no longer amongst us. When our time comes we do not want our loved ones to wither away or dwell upon the shock of our demise. We must live and by example show others that when a loved one dies their memory and love remain to help us through these difficult times so that we may reach better days.

My grief does not go out to those who go to their reward. My grief is for all of mankind who in our mortality must remain behind while our loved ones forge ahead. I chose to remember the good times and the love by which they brightened the world and the lives of all those they touched. Death is no great tragedy but a shroud that lies at the end of all mortal life. Where they go, one day we too will follow. How can we grieve for the promise of an eternal reunion?

I felt the need to share this. I hope some day it helps others. Good night.

Personnal Tarot Evaluation

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of
loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Discovery

I'm finding that I am becoming more grounded in my spiritual center again. I can still feel the blockage of a missaligned core but I am becoming attuned to the new energy patterns since my fall. With this new awakening I am once again looking into the basis of my spiritual pathways and finding yet again the core of my beliefs. Soon I will embark upon an attempt to share this modality with another, but for now I strive to achieve understanding of myself.

Best Christmas Gift

My family is not a materialistic group of people around Christmas time (except for the young kids, but what do you expect) and we enjoy gathering for dinner more than the opening of presents. This year, I found myself in a position that I was very limited in what I could get for others for Christmas and this bothered me. While everyone sat around unwrapping presents, I sat back with a camera and smiled while taking pictures. My mother approached me and asked me to sit down and open some of my own. Now considering that I hadn't contributed much to the gifts for others, this made me feel guilty but I began to open the gift she handed me. I was a copy of The Lost Books of the Bible and the forgotten books of Eden, a book that I had been searching a long time for. On the back of the book was the sticker with the price still attached, a mere $5.99.

The rest of my family received hundreds of dollars worth of gifts. I received two more gifts, another book and a hand bound blank journal. Looking around the room at the end of the night, everyone seemed to be beaming over their gifts and discussing the lengths that they had went to in finding gifts that fit the person. I sat there clutching this $6 book trying to hold back the tears. While all too often people get blinded by the quantity of gifts or the simply the dollar amount, my family had gathered together to get me things that they knew I would appreciate and enjoy regardless of price.

After regaining control of myself, I no longer felt guilty for not having been capable of putting more under the tree for everyone. Instead I felt blessed in the knowledge that our presence there was our true gifts to one another. Looking back over the years, I can remember Christmas times when I have been able to spend hundreds of dollars on each member of my family. Also there has been times when I have struggled to get just a few gifts. All that time however, the real constant was the gathering of the family and not the gifts that give so much pleasure. The gifts are really just a reminder of the moments we spend with one another.

So this year I was given a gift that I hope I won't soon forget. Each time I look at this simple, inexpensive book I will remember my family and the love that we share for each other. My parents are growing old and are not in the greatest of health, so I don't know how many more Christmas gatherings we will have with the whole family. I do know however that each gift, each small token, is a memory of a time shared. These are things that are both priceless and timeless. I simply pray that the memories, like the gifts themselves, will remain for a long time.

~Rev Bryan Rutherford

Thoughts on regret and action.

It has always been my saying that "I do not regret the things I have done, but I only regret the things I have not done." I make this statement with the belief that once I make a decision to act, speak, or even do nothing it is a conscious process that I undergo to arrive at this place. There is an old saying that hindsight is 20-20 and too often people spend their lives wondering "what if" and belaboring their decisions. I regret that I have yet to travel to Egypt to see the pyramids. I do not regret spending three tortureous hours in the theatre to watch Titanic. Each choice I have made in my life has brought me both exposure to new experiences and (hopefully) the wisdom to choose correctly as I age and progress on my journey through life.

This post was triggered by something I read posted by Alan Fuller in an email group.

Those established in the Self have renounced selfish attachments to their actions and cut through doubts with spiritual wisdom. They act in freedom.
-Bhagavad Gita 4:41

I am free from worry or regret about my actions. Once I have decided to act, I do so swiftly and without the chains of doubt tethering me. I have confidence in my own thought processes and the wisdom that has sustained me to this day. Is this not what the Bhagavad Gita was speaking about? Is this not another example of ideals transcending boundaries, religions, and cultures?