On Grief and Dying

I find myself in an introspective mood and feel the need to share my feelings tonight. My uncle is dying in a hospital right now. Three days ago he underwent an operation to remove cancer from his liver. Although the operation was a success, complications during recovery required that he be placed on a ventilator. Tonight I received a call that his blood pressure had bottomed out and they did not expect him to live through the night.

Also today I received a call from my father’s closest friend. This morning they put his wife in the hospital because she was spitting up blood. Her prognosis is not good, and unless they find out the cause of her internal hemorrhaging they do not expect her to live much longer. I went with my father to the hospital to try and comfort this man I have known all of my life as he watched his wife of over forty years die. Surrounded by such death and exposed to the grief of so many as I have been these last few days, I found myself offering these words of comfort.

I do not grieve for those who are about to die. Their pain and trials of life are over. They will soon leave this world of pain and worry for a better place. The pain they feel now, horrible as it might seem, is just a fleeting moment of discomfort when compared to eternity stretching out before them.

I do not grieve for the dying. I save my grief for those they leave behind. It is we who are still living who shoulder a great burden in having to come to terms with a loved one leaving us. Those of us who are left behind must pick up the pieces of our lives and soldier on through these dark days and all the time that follows until it is our turn to lie at the doorsteps of death. We must strive to remember those who die not as they are in these final moments of life, but how they lived their lives and the very reasons we love them to begin with.

It is our duty as those left behind to not fall victim to our own self pity and anguish but to remember the good left behind by those who are no longer amongst us. When our time comes we do not want our loved ones to wither away or dwell upon the shock of our demise. We must live and by example show others that when a loved one dies their memory and love remain to help us through these difficult times so that we may reach better days.

My grief does not go out to those who go to their reward. My grief is for all of mankind who in our mortality must remain behind while our loved ones forge ahead. I chose to remember the good times and the love by which they brightened the world and the lives of all those they touched. Death is no great tragedy but a shroud that lies at the end of all mortal life. Where they go, one day we too will follow. How can we grieve for the promise of an eternal reunion?

I felt the need to share this. I hope some day it helps others. Good night.